Posted 01 November 2005 - 09:10 PM
Patches said, "You know the limits of her endurance Lord".
This is a very important statement because my limit has been far exceeded and that is what scares me. It has been exceeded over and over again - with each major change, until the final blow to my spirit. The person who abused me and my family has been arrested and is in prison 10 min from our house. it never ends. I was his 10th victim. I had never even been in a police station, Lord. I was not used to interrogation, Lord. Over and over again for 9 months until I collapsed.
I was an angel. I never drank, cheated on tests, went to a great college, did community service, was supposed to be a doctor but opted instead to be a therapist because I wanted to work more closely with others.
He seemed needy and I tried to help but he stole all of me. He stole my love, my innocence, my career, my family stability, he took it all.
I loved my family and all people and thought that I had been given the blessing of being one who works with those in need. I thought I had found my calling because everyone has a purpose on this earth Lord. I was in school to be a therapist before this happened. This man sucked me of all the spirituality I had. He has made eating, sleeping, living hard. How can I fulfill my role to serve others when I myself am depleted in every way?
When I look around and see my family in utter pain....they live like zombies. My father came home today and lamented "This is the 4th year anniversary of when I took this awful job". The job that led us away from the center of our world. Th job that has led my own mother to stop sleeping, given us finanicial hardship, lost friends...and that has lost me. My mother misses her mother but is too far away. The poor woman is 92 years old and has no one who is willing to help except my family.
I am lost, Lord. I found you when I was sick and I need you now. A huge sign on my wall said "Faith".
I got better Lord, and it seemed like a miracle. Please help me, I know you are listening somewhere and you know I have far exceeded my limits. There should be greater comfort than resorting to lying in bed. I never did such things. I never succumbed to anything.
But as Patches said, everyone has their endurance. My family is suffering. I want our next Christmas to be in a new place Lord. My family needs to find meaning and the meaning has been gone for so long it makes me sad. Confused.
Please let Schering P. call.